2025-03-21 -37 145

Location

In a park in Eltham, in Melbourne's hilly northeastern suburbs.

Participants

Stevage

Expedition

Out

I'm wrapping up a meeting with a new client at Abbotsford Convent. It's a wonderful place, a community hub of sorts, with a couple of cafes, event spaces, beautiful gardens amid the historical buildings of the former convent. I've been a bit sick for the last week and a bit, but today I'm feeling well enough for a bit of a bike ride. Good thing there's a perfectly placed geohash in the offing.

My new client kindly buys me a takeaway sandwich and a pastry for the journey, and I set off. 3 minutes later, the drizzle is getting uncomfortably heavy, and that tiny pang of hunger is getting louder. I huddle under a tree and hope the drizzle goes away in one sandwich's time. Unexpectedly, it does.

It's a long ride, but a fairly straightforward one: up the Yarra Trail a bit, then onto the Merri Creek Trail, cut back over to the Yarra Trail (to skip a long windy section), then up the Plenty Creek trail, and finally a hilly road bash. Off we go. My phone battery's a little low, so as a precaution I don't record the ride on Strava. I feel an existential niggle as I do: am I even here? Did this even happen? But I've learnt my lesson from previous rides, getting precariously low on battery and not sure if I'll make it back. That won't happen this time. Or will it?

There's the usual assortment of dog walkers out and about, but on an off-track shortcut in Yarra Bend I come across an unusual variety: the dog walker reading a paperback as he walks along. More power to him.

I love this little section of mountain biking, slightly sketchy and technical above a steep riverbank. I lose my nerve on the rockiest, narrowest bit and resort to walking. But at least I'm not in the river.

Up on the Plenty Creek Trail, a couple of horses are grazing contentedly. So contented they can't be bothered coming over when I call. I have better luck with the next herd though. A few tongue clicks and a bit of coaxing and one horse starts slowly moseying towards me, never taking its face out of the grass. But to get him right up to the fence it takes a big handful of grass. He has the softest little muzzle to touch. It's my favourite bit of horses.

The butcherbirds are in fine form, along with a few carolling magpies. There's a spot where you often see a few geese, but not today. The drizzle is still holding off, and the conditions are pretty ideal: cool and overcast.

Climbing up from the creek in Montmorency, I start to really feel my lack of condition. It's a slow slog up the hill, but all the native trees are such a delight. Montmorency Station seems to have been upgraded recently, and the landscaping is just incredible. In a couple of years it's going to look magnificent, lots of trees and shrubs of different types with walking paths winding through them. Such an improvement over VicTrack's total disdain for any kind of vegetation.

But as I work through the hills, a sudden disaster strikes: an alert on my phone: my battery is extremely low and the phone will shut down soon if not charged. What? Why? I'm caught completely by surprise. Frantically I try to memorise the route to the geohash and its exact position.

But it's impossible, the streets are too windy and unfamiliar. I can barely go a hundred metres without missing a turn and having to check where I am. I keep entering dead end streets and having to back track, down hills and back up them. It doesn't help that the route takes a few clever shortcuts through road blocks and onto sneaky walking paths.

Finally down to the last major road I have to cross and Eltham's dirty little secret: the traffic. It's sort of an idyllic bush paradise, but it's also completely car dependent. There's a heavy stream of traffic in both directions that's surprisingly tricky to cross.

But I can see the sign for Meruka Park, so I'm almost there. It is steep though. I hadn't counted on that. I'm riding blind, trying to remember where exactly the point was in the park. At the top, there's a childcare centre and a carpark, surrounded by huge old pine trees. It's a pretty spot. I take another glance at the map and find the spot just near the entrance to the carpark, and do a bit of extra running around in circles to make sure I get it, rather than taxing the phone too much.

Back

I'm feeling anxious about making it home with a dead phone, so I don't take any photos.

Now, can I make it back just relying on my memory? I had originally hoped to take a train, but my public transport pass relies on the phone, so I guess I'll be riding the whole way. No podcast for company either.

It's a bit of a struggle working my way backwards through the streets. There's one street that feels familiar but it's a dead-end, so that can't be right. A bit of confusion later, and I realise that yep, I'd come this way - there's a way through the dead-end for bikes and pedestrians.

A big feeling of relief when I get back to Montmorency station and then down to the creek. I shouldn't have any navigational issues from here.

But I do. There's this confusing section the Main Yarra Trail where it needlessly branches, with poor signage, and somehow I find myself somewhere I don't think I've even been before, around the back of a big wetland. It's kind of exciting. But the tireds are well and truly setting in.

I slog my way through Ivanhoe to avoid riding beside the freeway, making choices that are longer but less hilly, and more familiar. Somehow the distance is more bearable if you can switch the brain off and just follow a route you've done a hundred times before.

Eventually I stagger in the front gate. It's good to be home.