User:Robyn/Incredibly Crappy Walmart Bicycle
Robyn has two good bicycles at home, but was stationed in Slave Lake, Alberta for a month with no ground-based vehicle. After a few days of this Robyn tried to buy a second-hand bicycle, but none were advertised as available on short notice, so Robyn bought a bicycle at Wal-Mart, for $99.98. That came to $104, with tax.
The Incredibly Crappy Walmart Bicycle (ICWB) was manufactured in China, by poorly paid Chinese people, and assembled in Slave Lake, not by Walmart employees, but by an outside individual called "the bike builder," who apparently "has his own tools." Walmart employees Bonny and Adel found some passable tools with which I adjusted the seat and handlebars to fit me.
ICWB makes a clunk-clunk-clunk sound when the chain is in on large gears in the back cog, and a whacka-whacka-whacka sound when the smallest gear is selected on the back cog. In fact, if you listen carefully you can probably identify a different undesirable sound for each of ICWB's nominal 18 gears. Second cog on the front to third smallest cog on the back gives the smoothest operation, so Robyn normally rides in that, which would I suppose be 10th gear. Gear selection on the basis of sound may sound strange to those who are accustomed to selecting gears on the basis of pedalling resistance, but you must understand that ICWB is all about pedalling resistance, in every gear. The drive train friction may be impressive, but add into the package the rolling resistance of those big knobby (but apparently not for off-road use) tires, and the wind resistance of mountain bike style upright frame and you have a resistance that could repel the Nazis. Forget about speed hashing, ICWB could not attain the speed limit were it fired out of a cannon, or dropped over a cliff. Both of which are fantasies I have for ICWB.
On the first attempt to geohash with ICWB, the saddle would not stay horizontal. No matter how much I tighten the bolt that is supposed to restrict saddle tilt, the saddle still gradually tips backwards as I ride. I developed a one-handed riding style where the other hand is used to hold the seat straight.
During the second attempt to geohash with ICWB, Robyn found a black bungie cord by the side of the highway and fastened it in a position to restrict seat tilt. The bungie cord can be seen running from the seat to the headtube in the photo above. This makes riding with both hands on the handlebars possible. The seat now stays reasonably horizontal most of the time. It's still wickedly uncomfortable and makes Robyn's nether parts numb and tingly, but it's functional.
On the third geohash expedition with ICWB, Robyn got about 15 km out of town and then turned off the main dirt road onto a side gravel road. It was a fairly good gravel road, but had a few big rocks. ICWB made it about a kilometre up that road, maybe two, before suffering a flat tire. Robyn walked on without it and then returned to push it back to the road. ICWB went home that day in the back of a pickup truck.
ICWB has never actually been to a geohash, but rather waits beside the nearest road it can handle, at the closest approach to the point, while Robyn makes the attempt.
I am trying to put as many kilometres as possible on ICWB before the end of the month, so as to amortise the initial investment. Nevertheless I pray each night for a couch potato, so I can give my poor butt a rest.
